Confidence

Today is one of those rare days that I feel good enough to try applying make-up on myself for a non-event day. I've been resisting getting new nail polish (I haven't painted my nails for years) and such, but gosh, you know I'm feeling confident when I want to take better care of and pamper myself. ... and make myself look prettier than I already am. Maybe I'll slowly build my self-care vanity beauty kit as rewards over the year... that include clothes.

Speaking of which, I'm considering getting myself another new shirt for making it through February in one piece. I wonder what I should get... :)

- Mel

Keeping Habits When You're Sick, And Giving Yourself More Credit

Oof. Hello again, internet world. It's been a while, hasn't it?

I've been sick for about two weeks now with a cold that just doesn't want to quit. Hence, a few of the habits I had been building up... let's just say I slacked off of some of them, including this "blog whatever strikes your fancy" blog. The good news is that, for Doodle a Day and exercise, even if I missed a day or two (I missed three at most with exercise), I'm back on track again.

Really, the important part is not to give up. Yes, we'll be hit with some unexpected roadblocks like big, important, short-notice projects, or illness, or much more grave situations, and it's only human to err if you forget to do something for a few days. (Heck, I forgot to do a blog post here for about 2 weeks now.) But y'know? Just pick it back up when you can, when you're in a better state physically, emotionally, mentally, whatever it takes for you to feel better and be roarin' to go. :)

That's the advice I'm giving myself for now. It's only the second month of the year, and while I may be thinking more of my failures rather than what I've achieved... if I actually take a step back, I've been doing at least one important thing a week. Even if that thing may not seem important to me or someone else, such as doodling once a day, or exercising, or finishing a paid piece of work, or even writing a chapter of your novel for class... if you add all those little things up, you're actually doing quite a lot of stuff. At least, I realized I am, and I don't give myself enough credit where it's due. I think it's partly because of societal pressures to always push yourself and do more than you can realistically handle.

It's okay to be human. That's what makes our small achievements that much more meaningful to look back on. :)

- Mel

On Art Therapy and Loving Yourself

My day ended on a sour note because of an encounter with an aggravating person.

I have a short fuse, and I had to count to ten and not move for several seconds to let the anger seep out of me slowly. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to do to them, including getting up from my chair and smacking them in the face. I managed to cool off, but it dampened my mood for the rest of the evening.

I used to be a much less pacifist kid, especially since I was bullied a lot both in and out of school. Books were my weapon of choice. I regret that now, of course, but I didn't know any better. What I have to resist now is letting a slew of hurtful words fly past my lips when someone has wronged me. While some people would suggest imagining the Horrible Person being tormented and tortured in gruesome ways, it doesn't really help me feel any better in the long run. I don't want to harbour resentment for other people. It's not worth my time and energy to focus it all on negative emotions all the time, including the part where I try to quell my rage.

Art therapy worked for me today. Instead of the dark and angsty doodles my adolescent self was wont to draw in her worst moments (including but not limited to violent scenes against All Who Have Wronged Her!), I drew myself as a confident lady. When I say confident, I mean it was the first time I drew myself with a more faithful representation of my body. Yes, that includes my fat and my assets (the latter is both a blessing and a curse.)

My art for Day 17 of Doodle a Day

I'm really happy with how this came up, especially since I was having those pesky artist doubts (I can't pull this off! I'm a sucky artist!) Yet I pressed on even if I wasn't sure what I was doing, and I ended up becoming much more confident as an artist, too. I accept my body, and I love my body.

I feel a lot better having decided to direct all my remaining energy towards more positive pursuits, rather than wallow in negative emotions. This isn't an easy thing to do for someone like me who has depression and anxiety, but when I'm able to do it, it feels incredibly fulfilling.

At the end of even the crappiest of days, a little self-love goes a long way. :)

- Mel